Tip 6: Spanking Without Being Caught (part 2)

Parents, if you are squeamish over a mosquito bite on your kid, please leave this site.

Tip 6
I call this a Tender Hold. If the kid is causing a din in public and you wouldn’t want to be caught abusing the kid – short of bashing his head on the nearest wall – all you need is to give him the Tender Hold.

Get real close to him. Slowly, go for the fleshy inner side of his upper arm, near the armpit. Use the fleshy tip of your thumb and forefinger, pinch lightly, not more than 10 cm of the flesh, most effective below 5 mm, and hold it there.

It’ll shock him that instance. When he stares at you, look him in the eye. Let him know it is from you. At the same time, your eyes tell him to stop this instance or this Tender Hold will continue. You’d be surprise how quickly the kid gets the message and stop being a nuisance. No fuss. The beauty of it, you can continue your conversation with a smile, without any one knowing that you have just ‘spank’ your kid!

Another effective area to apply this technique is on the inner thighs – especially when they couldn’t stop jumping all over the place! One word of caution, NEVER, never use the fingernails. You do not want to puncture or tear those tender flesh and leave tell tale signs. Tadah!

Like all physical execution, use this sparingly. You want to deliver shock and fear and not, having your child to go numb to the effect.

Rule of the Day: Spare the rod and spoil the kid (cliché cliché), I’ll say, I’d rather rotan (cane) the kid myself than have the State rotaning him when he grows up!

Next post: Kids who blackmail you using their vomiting technique.

invite views | invite advise | invite questions | love it , share it or hate it, like to hear from you! Welcome to comment below.

Tip 5: All Parents Are F-U-C-Ks…

Parents, if you are squeamish over coarse language, please leave this site.

Tip 5
IF, you appear to be like this one in the papers! (click image for larger view)

What is wrong with the four-letter word? It is a legitimate word, found in all respectable English Language dictionaries. Just because it originates from some Nordic language, and the English categorize it as 'not refine' as theirs, this poor word is condemned as a coarse word.

Wake up! Which inter galactic planet is this parent* from? What’s more, this parent went on expecting the National Library Board to buck up so that their little angels are not being corrupted by, of all things, a comic book, albeit with adult content.

Personally, I think this kind of mentality is just plain LAZINESS on the parent part. Lazy because they refuse to take personal responsibility over their children exposure to the daily grind of life. Lazy because they take the easy route, by conveniently pointing fingers and accusing others in corrupting their little darlings and, lazy because they expect the respective authorities to put right their kid when it should be THEY, as the child’s parent, fulfilling that role!

For this parent, I want you to repeat after me, ‘Fuck is the intercourse between daddy and mummy to have you (our little child) with us’. Now that is not too difficult to relate, is it? Take this opportunity to expose him to the realities of life.

The child will appreciate that his parents are open to relate something as intimate and, TRUST him enough to share this information. And YOU should be the one, telling him the meaning of this word and the appropriate use of the word. Ultimately, you want him to be able to find a buddy in you, to freely share his thoughts and aspirations. Now, is that not what parents are to be for the kid?

Let’s face it, sooner or later they will learn it from their friends. Would you rather they learn the word – fuck, from you or from their peers? You decide.

* With respect to the contributor, it is of no interest of SmackDad to reveal the source of this national newspaper article.

Rule of the Day: To know the good, he must first know the bad. You can’t shield your kid forever. So let Dad talk to you about promiscuous sex, about condoms and pornography…

Next post: Law say cannot spank? We show you how to spank and not get caught (part 2) – if SmackDad is not being roused by another incredibly child-like adult parent.

invite views | invite advise | invite questions | love it , share it or hate it, like to hear from you! Welcome to comment below.

Tip 4: Spanking Without Being Caught (part 1)

Parents, if you are squeamish over a mosquito bite on your kid, please leave this site.

Tip 4
Rubber band. Use the rubber band to flick your little brat. It’s clean and the red flick marks, or non at all, do not stay. Tadah!

My preference is to stretch it with the index or forefinger and let it go. The advantage, it can be implemented over a distance without being near them critters. And they’ll never know where you’re coming from.

When it hits them, make eye contact, to let them know it is courtesy from you. It’ll sting and they’ll cry, but they’ll remember. The cool factor, the next time when you walk with the stretched rubber band, and they see it, they’ll scurry away to finish off what they are supposed to do – without you having to expense more breathe!

Use this sparingly. Like all physical assaults, too much of it will make them harden to the effect. You don’t want that. And please, aim ONLY at the fleshy calf for maximum impact and, safety reasons. The purpose is to strike fear, NOT disable, dismember or disfigure.

Rule of the Day: ALWAYS, ALWAYS explain your punishment and balance it with LOTS of encouraging love.

Next post: Law say cannot spank? We show you how to spank and not get caught (part 2).

invite views | invite advise | invite questions | love it , share it or hate it, like to hear from you! Welcome to comment below.

Tip 3: TV Addict Kids

Parents, if you are squeamish over a mosquito bite on your kid, please leave this site.

Tip 3
Show him The Ring (preferably the 1998 original Japanese version – Ringu) with Sadako. MUST SEE scene – where she crawls out of the television. It will sure make him think twice on turning on the television himself. And if he really really wants it badly, he’ll get you to turn it on for him.

That’s cool. The whole exercise is to ensure he does not turn on the television without YOUR permission.

Unfortunately, this is only applicable to kids below four years of age. By the time they hit five onwards, they will see more gross things than Sadako.

Rule of the Day: The kid has NO RIGHTS till the day he is responsible for his actions and consequences.

Next post: Law say cannot spank? We show you how to spank and not get caught (Part 1).

Tip 2: Kids Who Can't Stop Chomping His Fingers

Parents, if you are squeamish over a mosquito bite on your kid, please leave this site.

Tip 2
Can’t keep him from putting his fingers in his mouth. Use chilli. It’s organic.

Just lightly rub it on his fingers then let nature takes its course. He either put it back in his mouth the next instance, or rub his eyes with them. Either way, he knows he won’t put those fingers in his mouth again!

How much to apply? All depends whatz YOUR threshold of pain in seeing your precious one scream and squirm.

Alternatively, the Tiger Balm (white ones please, we wouldn’t want to stain that expensive baby clothes that mummy insist on spending) manufactured by Haw Par Healthcare Ltd, will do just fine.

Once he gets the message, sweets works better than water to get rid of the chilli hot in the mouth. As for the eyes, just see the redness naturally subside, if you can take the sight of seeing your little bundle of joy overcome the pain. Children are more resilient than we give them credit for.

Rule of the Day: A real parent is not one that brings the kid to the world but one that brings the kid up.

Next post: My kid is a TV addict. Help!

Tip 1: Non-stop Crying Kid

Parents, if you are squeamish over a mosquito bite on your kid, please leave this site.


Read the TODAY’s paper on 17 May 2007. Global warming has started to burn the brains of these lawmakers. Parents today are breeding whiny kids that deserve to be SMACK themselves.

Two adults CONTROLLED by a brawling kid, giving in to his whims and fancy to shut him up. C’mon! You’re a thinking adult, right? Notice I will use the ‘he’ rather than the ‘she’ in my examples. This is deliberate. For all knowing parents, boyz will be boyz. You had better learn how to control them, let them know who’s in charge, on day one. There are exceptions of course. Some kids are just born sweet.

Tip 1
Kid refuse to stop crying? DO NOT cane them or chide the poor kid. Just ignore him. Leave him where he is safe (kitchen with knives and bath room with buckets of water not included!). Look at him, eye contact, look blank. Let him expanse himself till he turns blue. He’ll either fall asleep and coo or he’ll just know that it ain’t going any where with this kind of reaction. When he gets the message, reward him with lots of hugs and love.

Rule of the Day: Let the kid rule the house, it will ruin the home.

Next post: Kids who can't stop putting his finger in his mouth? We'll show you how!