Tip 12: Daddy, I Don't Love You

Tip 12
Money and the Kid, the saga continues… (see Reflections 4 and Reflections 6)

‘Daddy don’t want to give me 2 $ because that I didn’t save my money. And buy glitter this all but luckly that I have coin. I don’t love daddy because he don’t want to give me $2. Now daddy going to sign my blue file but I need to be nice of (to) him.’
— 15/8/2007

This is an entry in my little one’s Journal. Prepare for the kid telling you they do not love you. This is once they know how to express themselves and they don’t get their way. I used to receive it verbally. Now, it is in written form!?!

For the rest of that week, she got to ‘tar pau’ or pack for her own canteen break. And she prepares her own packing. If she does not do it herself, I ain’t gonna sweeten her ‘punishment’! Her favourite is bread with Nutella spread.

My sadistic side would love to push the limit and not even let her have any to eat for the break. But alas, a good general knows no army can win a battle on an empty stomach. Somehow the kid understands that too. In spite of all the harshness delivered, through your conscientious caring actions, they know you always have their best interest at heart – they are not stupid.

It comes with the deal when we, as parent, have to make a stand and instill the proper values, ethics or beliefs. Knowing well it will mean inconveniencing, depriving and discomforting them.

When applied, do allow them the right to protest. I will however, stop short at the kid using, ‘I hate you’ or ‘I kill you’ – which were expressed before. Correct them by letting them know that these are harsh words that should never be loosely used.

The next time, when the little ones expressed ‘I do not love you’, don’t get too affected. It’s emotional blackmail at their best. Trust me, these little angels know how to manipulate feelings! How do I deal with them? I simply brush them off by telling them, ‘It doesn’t matter, daddy still loves you.’

Rule of the Day: A parent’s nightmare, ‘Where were you when I needed you to guide me’.

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Reflections 7: Working from Home with the Little Brat

see more illustrations at Wiwimu's Journal

There was a two days break for the lower Primary kids while the older ones take their final examinations. Ordinarily we will make arrangement to pack our little rascal to a nanny’s place or coerced by relatives and close friends to have our girl stay over at their place to let all the kids have a happy time together – to the delights of all the affected children of course!

Come on, I mean, it is ONLY for TWO days, gungho daddy can handle that while still work at home. It started well with a schedule. So-and-so this time, do the assessment work. Then so-and-so this time can go play the computer games. Then so-and-so this time we go lunch together and so forth.

Sounds great, in theory. By and large, it went as planned but it did come with its glitches. In spite of the activities planned, the one thing I did not bargain for is, she gets bored – easily.

Day One glitch – Hippity hop, she’ll come in and pester daddy for things and she’ll insistently stand next to you while you work, till she gets your attention. At an unfortunate instance, I was conceptualizing various ideas and just couldn’t quite get it right. For a designer, these are times they should be left alone – we mean it. And there’s this little pest, pestering just next to you, over trivial matters like, can you please sign this done (and darn) school assessment paper, that is to be submitted only the following week! Flash point, daddy lost it and shouted ‘SHUT UP LAH!’ And I saw the little one scurrying back to her room. Then I hear sniffing coming from my little girl’s room. That was it, concept or no concept, I did no right in that. My girl needs me…

Day Two glitch – There are times, when you need to focus while working, and even have the radio turned off so as not to be distracted. In the quietness, you suddenly feel some one touching your leg below the table! I was jerked out of my seat for that instant, then you hear laughter and realized it is the little one playing one of her ‘boo’ pranks! Flash point, I did not think that was funny and shouted ‘GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!’ And that had her scurried back to her room (once more) and this time, it was loud sobbing. I guess I scared her too!

After these two incidents, realized that house rules together with work rules have to be applied. I explained to her that there is always a time and place for everything. And playing ‘boo’ or pestering daddy for things when he is working is just not going to happen. To keep it simple, I only have two rules for her to follow:

1) When daddy is in the study room working, the study room is THE office – so no play time (for both parties)
2) Knock twice before entering when daddy is working – no more shocks, for myself and for her, and importantly, it is just plain, basic manners to knock before entering

After that it gets easier with a gentle reminder that daddy is working, and she’ll do her own things. And when she wants to talk to daddy, she’ll knock before coming in. Initially, the knocking the door part needs some getting use to. After a few retries, to ask her to walk out again and knock, before entering, she got the message.

Nowadays, it becomes part of her to knock when she enters the room. A good lesson learned, I’d say!

Rule of the Day: Let your kid know, to be number one is good, but to give your best in everything you do, is better.

invite views | invite advise | invite questions | love it , share it or hate it, like to hear from you! Welcome to comment below or write to me smackdadspeaks@gmail.com