Reflections 4: Money to the Kid

Illustration by Heymans Tho

Come August, we are going to try a little experiment. We have decided to give a monthly allowance for our little one. If she spends them all before the month ends, she will have to go without any money for canteen food – till the next month. Yes, I am beginning to like the idea!

She will come to realize that money cannot be never ending if she is not careful with it. It is never too late to instill the value of money for the kid, even if she is in her Lower Primary. There was once she said, ‘Daddy if there is no money, the bank can give you money’. How sweet. And I asked her, ‘Who puts the money in the bank so that daddy can take money from the bank? It’s daddy!’

Her spending on canteen food per day is just 50 cents. Bless her school. You can actually buy a bowl of fishball noodles with that amount and it comes with two full fishballs! Get this, if you want to spend lesser – 40 cents for a slice of pandan cake, 30 cents for an egg, scrambled or sunny side up!

That works out to S$10 for the five days and four weeks in school. Okay, daddy is not going to be a scrooge. I’ll throw in another S$2 for allowance. That makes it a grand total of S$12 per month for her canteen food. Now who says having kids is gonna be exorbitantly expensive?

Nothing more will I give because she will also learn to cope with the all too common occurrence in today’s lifestyle – instant gratification. If she wants to spend on items, other than the canteen food, she got to work with the monthly budget. I'd say, spend on the lesser price food and save the remaining sum, till you are able to afford! Hey, wait a sec, she can put into practice her addition and subtraction here too! This is gonna be fun!

Rule of the Day: A real parent is not one that brings the kid to the world but one that brings the kid up.

invite views | invite advise | invite questions | love it , share it or hate it, like to hear from you! Welcome to comment below.

Tip 11: The Good 1—2 (part 2 of 2)

Parents, if you are squeamish over a mosquito bite on your kid, please leave this site.

Tip 11
The truth is, it is no pleasure executing the Good 1—2. *sigh*. The kid doesn’t have to know that. What they must know is, beneath that velvet glove, there are always claws waiting – if they cross the line.

When applying this discipline, I say again, a LITTLE spanking is all that is required. I know, in the midst of anger, it is tempting to let it all out. DON’T. Even with the precaution taken, this form of punishment is NOT to be taken lightly. Man, you are dealing with the head lah! duh.

If applied too enthusiastically, depending on the age of the kid, the result can lead to bleeding on the lips, bruised cheeks and worst, impaired hearing or vision. You wouldn’t want that. Another cautionary note, when executing the Good 1—2, CONTROL your adult strength. The slapped area may be small, but ALWAYS bear in mind, the impact to be absorbed by the kid’s developing neck bone and growing skull! I say again, CONTROL your adult strength.

Why then the face area and not the buttocks, legs or hand? Because, even for a kid, instinctively he knows the face is a highly vulnerable and unprotected area. Besides you want to achieve a reminder that will stay for a good while. Once the Good 1—2 is executed, all you ever need to do, is to walk up to the boisterous little chap and gently remind him, ‘Do you want to hold your face again?’ and you will see him, hold his face (like Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone), shake his head in a ‘No’, and abide by the rules without further fuss.

Like all physical treatment, use it sparingly. Too much of it will make the kid harden to the effect. You don’t want that either. And like all well-intentioned and strict parenting, punishment MUST always balance with lots and lots of hugs and encouraging love. This is to let the kid know you are always there for them, and you will still be there for them – with the Good 1—2, when they intentionally over step the border, once more….

Personally, the Good 1—2 is used as a final straw. Usually the ‘Spanking Without Being Caught’ methods (see Tip 4, Tip 6, and Tip 9) is enough to let the kid know – you mean business.

Rule of the Day: If being cruel means being kind, then I choose to be cruel.

invite views | invite advise | invite questions | love it , share it or hate it, like to hear from you! Welcome to comment below.

Tip 10: The Good 1—2 (part 1 of 2)

Parents, if you are squeamish over a mosquito bite on your kid, please leave this site.

Tip 10
This certainly goes against the grain on ‘sensible’ parenting, and in some country, tantamount to abuse!!!

I strongly advocate that a little spanking is required if you want to bring up sane kids and importantly, to keep your own sanity. From time to time, a strong message has to be sent to the kid – he has past his limit and, who’s in charge.

For the Good 1—2 slap, use ONLY four fingers, with the thumbs bend in and resting on the palm. Like you use the hand to show the number four. For maximum effect, always go for the chubby cheeks, then give the Good 1—2, much like a boxer giving a left punch and followed instantly with a right hook.

The point of contact should ONLY be the fleshy tip of the fingers to the cheeks. That is why the bent thumbs are absolutely essential. This is to confine the slap in a small area and also to avoid the explosive, all five fingers, free-for-all kind of slap!

Instinctively, the kid will use both hands to cover the cheek area. Which is not a bad thing. Then you need only to slap his hands that are protecting his cheek. Smack–Smack!

The first slap is to get the message across and the second is to imprint the message – permanently. Then STOP. Go no further. Sometimes, it is tempting to go more, DON’T. The aim here is to affect a scare with a lasting memory NOT maimed.

After which, ALWAYS EXPLAIN the punishment and importantly, the kid MUST acknowledge he knows the reason for receiving the Good 1—2. This is to establish that an understanding is reached. If the same happens again, Daddy is more than happy to exercise the Good 1—2…

Rule of the Day: I’d rather rotan (cane) the kid myself than have the State rotaning him when he grows up!

Next post: The Good 1—2 (Part 2).

invite views | invite advise | invite questions | love it , share it or hate it, like to hear from you! Welcome to comment below.

Tip 9: Spanking Without Being Caught (part 3)

Parents, if you are squeamish over a mosquito bite on your kid, please leave this site.

Tip 9
This is especially useful, if the kid refuses to be held when crossing the road or walking in the public car park. Instead of going berserk and screaming at him about holding hands and being safe while walking on the road (as if he cares), just hold his hand and give him – the bone grip.

Hold his hand like normal and if he tries to wriggle his way out, grip tighter till you feel the bone. For the kick of it, move gently your thumb and forefinger back and forth while holding his hand. You’d be surprise how little strength is needed to get your message to him.

Then nicely remind him – you mean it. When walking along or crossing the road, HOLD HANDS or this bone gripper is gonna come. After a few gentle treatment, you can be sure when he comes to a road or crossing, he’ll stop, wait for you to hold his hand, and cross the road together. Tadah!

When the kid is excited, at times, it is near impossible to always prepare to hold his hand. A quick way to execute this reminder is to hold the lower arm tight instead, and apply – the bone grip. I will only recommend the back and forth movement only if you need to enforce the message, or you enjoy watching the little one squirm from the pain. Then again, some kids love challenges, so why not…

The beauty of this, it can be done in calm and quietness. The cool factor, the public only sees you as another responsible parent ‘holding’ the kid's hand while crossing the road. I'll give another two 'Tadahs' to dat! Remember, when applying this technique, the purpose is to stun NOT break bones.

Rule of the Day: A parent’s nightmare, ‘Where were you when I needed you to guide me’.

invite views | invite advise | invite questions | love it , share it or hate it, like to hear from you! Welcome to comment below.

Reflections 3: Kids Hitting Parents

Have been observing the modern and I may add, brainless parents. These are parents that allow their kids, out of tantrums mind you, to hit, punch and slap them and, like magnanimous monomaniacs, say 'It is okay, they’re only kids what' or 'My kid is born hyper…' – with a smile.

Yah, let it continue. When they start hitting you when they are 13 years onwards or when you’re old and frail and they continue to hit you, remember the reasoning you convinced yourself ‘They are only kids what’.

YOU allowed it. Habit, not arrested leads to consent. When you realized it is time to stop, and physically comparing yourself to your grown kid, it will be too late.

For whatever reason, children DO NOT hit parent and that applies even to a two year old toddler! The kid got to know his place. It is okay to express anger, and I always encourage that, it does not however permit the anger to transform to physically hitting out or shouting at their parent.

If the kid hits me, after a warning or getting their parents’ consent, I’ll hit back, I mean they’ve been warned right? You punch, I’ll punch. You kick, I’ll kick. You bite, I’ll bite – haven’t tried that though. Word of caution, please DO NOT apply adult strength here. Once, my kid challenged me to push her. So I did. And she 'flew' three feet Superman (or girl) style before landing! That is another story altogether.

The whole exercise is just to let them know, if they choose to hurt others, this is how it feels on the receiving end! When this is applied, you can be quite sure they’ll think twice about laying another whack at SmackDad.

Then again, if they are being playful and your kid goes overboard ‘hitting’ you, do you hit them back? Admittedly, I didn’t get it initially till one day, my little one with teary eyes told me ‘Daddy, I am just playing only.’ Then daddy realised – oh shit.

Hey, daddy got to learn too – when to pull back, relax and laugh with the kids!

Incidentally, parents if you are in a frequent shouting match, or can’t stop wringing each other’s neck and physically hitting out at each other – STOP. Don’t blame the kid for being verbally and physically abusive. We are their best, and likely, only model they will emulate into their parenthood. Think about that.

And for the record, my little one is doing fine and she sustained a slight abrasion on her right knee only.

Rue of the Day: Kids will be kids; they’ll grow up okay. And so do wild grasses!

invite views | invite advise | invite questions | love it , share it or hate it, like to hear from you! Welcome to comment below.