Tip 8: The Beauty of 'NO'

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Tip 8
Kids who treat you ‘invisible’ regardless of umpteen times telling them to finish their homework, clear their rooms, eat their meals, and the list goes on… Instead of screaming your lungs out and, for some, expanse unnecessary energy chasing them with the cane, feather duster (hangers and belts not recommended), simply stay put and use the ‘NO’.

DEPRIVE them. Do not want to do your homework, ‘NO Shrek movie’. Take your time to finish your meal, ‘NO computer games tonight’. Not packing your room ‘NO Winx Club this weekend’. You’d be surprise how little an effort is needed to make darn little critters do their bit!

The trick is of course, before the deprivation kicks in, you got to know what makes them tick. And to make them work, MEAN WHAT YOU SAY. If you have given them the ultimatum, NEVER back track.

We’ve got an incident where our little one did not keep her part of the bargain. We passed her her favourite SPD (Power Rangers Space Petrol Delta) vcd, that she clamoured for weeks, and she got to dumb it into the rubbish chute – herself. It was painful to see her crying and not wanting to let go her favourite vcd (and we paid $6 for that vcd!?!), but we both knew that the value she’ll learn from this experience, of honouring ones word, is more than what we had paid for!

From here on, they will know, you mean business and it has been easy to get things move along with just this ‘No’ technique. On hindsight, SmackDad wished he had just given his little one the cover to throw, and kept the actual vcd. Shucks.

Rule of the Day: Children should be seen and NOT heard in public.

Next post: Law say cannot spank? We show you how to spank and not get caught (Part 3).

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Reflections 2: Mummy Don't Get It!

For the man who is becoming a first time daddy, take heed, things are gonna change. And I don’t mean just changing the diapers and smelling those ‘kayas’!

If you are those who see your darling wife giving you the undivided attention and presume it will continue so, I got this to say to you, be prepared.

When that bundle of joy arrives – it used to be you both sing ‘Everything I do, I do it for you’. Now, mummy will still sing ‘Everything I do, I do it for…’ THE KID. Where’s daddy?!?

Have chicken rice, the drumb stick meat goes to – the kid. Have roti prata, the egg prata goes to – the kid. Morning breakfast, mummy will fry the egg, goes to – the kid!?! Where’s daddy?

I used to rile over the fact maybe it is all this maternal instinct thingy about women. Then you kinda realize it slips more and more into a behavioral pattern, to the point where mummy is being inconsiderate to your feelings because of THE KID. This is not maternal instinct any more. It is plain taking each other for granted!

Am I missing something? When this happens, can I have enlightened mummies please fill the blanks?

Mummy let’s get real. When you are old and slow, (and we still find you beautiful) who’s gonna be there next to you? Your son, your daughter, or the one who made that wedding vow with you eons ago?

Then sons and daughters for what? Not that I have little faith in them. The truth is they have their own lives. They aren’t gonna be there for you when we reach that stage of our lives.

So mummy, what you gonna do after you spent all your hopes, dreams and attention on them, (and neglecting daddy!) and they set up their nest and maybe, just maybe, they will come back once a month to say ‘hi’. And you go ga-ga over them and their little kids. Then what? Who’s gonna be next to you when darn kids are not around. It’s daddy! duh.

Maybe mummies DO feel fulfillment having sacrificed for their kids (and husband in tow) and giving them all the attention and care… again, ladies, enlightenment please.

In good spirit for Fathers’ Day month, mummies spare a thought for us will ya! Daddy have feelings too!

Conversely, I know of daddies who take on the maternal role and the kid means EVERYTHING. Hey, mummies have feelings too. And you wouldn’t want to mess with that!

For the record, this was vet thoroughly by SmackMum before posting. I love her.

Rue of the Day: We exist therefore they (the kids) exist. Get it?

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Reflections 1: Condom Pains

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Reflections 1
That’s it! Another parent from Planet Blurr. One cannot tahan (tolerate) explicit material in a children’s section of a library – see Tip 5, May 2007 – and now this one fuming over a condom ad?!?The one in the MRT (click image for larger view), not only shows the strength of the condom, it is tastefully done. Whatz up?!?
Thankfully before I go into verbal diarrhoea mode, there are sensible people abound and one, from a 15 year-old kid! There is hope for the future ;-)
Once a boy reached puberty and he knows he has the means to create life, I’ll say, buy the kid his condom. Tell him to use it responsibly. It is fatal to assume (or denial for some), that our kid won’t experiment and lead to unwanted consequences, despite carefully explaining, and telling them to think and act responsibly.

If you have done that, give yourself a pat, frankly you’ve done all you can as a parent. Now the question is, if the inevitable happens to your kid, and she’s pregnant, when she’s not ready, what u gonna do?

Man, it is the hormones lah! Boyz will be boyz! Today, even gals too, I can safely add. And you can’t change that. So son, know your condom and wear them will ya if you cannot tahan (lose control)!

A close chum of mine, who has since migrated to Sydney, once said this, and how apt. I am glad to include this in the Rue of the Day. I've got a daughter and he has two. sigh.

Rue of the Day: When you have a son, you only got one cock to worry. When you have a daughter, you have a hundred cocks to worry!

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Tip 7: Puking Kids

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Tip 7
This happens most during meal time or when they want to get attention in protest mode. Don’t like vegetables, they’ll choke themselves full of it in their tiny mouths, and then cough and out it comes. Want to protest by getting attention, they’ll cough till they turn all ruddy then choke, and out it comes.

By all means, encourage them to puke. Then nicely bring something comfortable, like a big pillow, and have them puke all on it. Next, gently hold down their head and GENTLY rub their face on their own puke. After that calmly tell them to go wash up themselves.

You can be assured, they’ll never try this puke stunt again. It is never too early to let them know the edict ‘Do not do unto others, what you do not want others, to do unto you’.

What about the pillow? For the better good, this is a small sacrifice. Throw it away.

A word of caution, this do not apply to kid having fever and puking.

Rule of the Day: A child who knows no shame, knows no respect.

Next post: The beauty of 'NO' and how to use it effectively.

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Tip 6: Spanking Without Being Caught (part 2)

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Tip 6
I call this a Tender Hold. If the kid is causing a din in public and you wouldn’t want to be caught abusing the kid – short of bashing his head on the nearest wall – all you need is to give him the Tender Hold.

Get real close to him. Slowly, go for the fleshy inner side of his upper arm, near the armpit. Use the fleshy tip of your thumb and forefinger, pinch lightly, not more than 10 cm of the flesh, most effective below 5 mm, and hold it there.

It’ll shock him that instance. When he stares at you, look him in the eye. Let him know it is from you. At the same time, your eyes tell him to stop this instance or this Tender Hold will continue. You’d be surprise how quickly the kid gets the message and stop being a nuisance. No fuss. The beauty of it, you can continue your conversation with a smile, without any one knowing that you have just ‘spank’ your kid!

Another effective area to apply this technique is on the inner thighs – especially when they couldn’t stop jumping all over the place! One word of caution, NEVER, never use the fingernails. You do not want to puncture or tear those tender flesh and leave tell tale signs. Tadah!

Like all physical execution, use this sparingly. You want to deliver shock and fear and not, having your child to go numb to the effect.

Rule of the Day: Spare the rod and spoil the kid (cliché cliché), I’ll say, I’d rather rotan (cane) the kid myself than have the State rotaning him when he grows up!

Next post: Kids who blackmail you using their vomiting technique.

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Tip 5: All Parents Are F-U-C-Ks…

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Tip 5
IF, you appear to be like this one in the papers! (click image for larger view)

What is wrong with the four-letter word? It is a legitimate word, found in all respectable English Language dictionaries. Just because it originates from some Nordic language, and the English categorize it as 'not refine' as theirs, this poor word is condemned as a coarse word.

Wake up! Which inter galactic planet is this parent* from? What’s more, this parent went on expecting the National Library Board to buck up so that their little angels are not being corrupted by, of all things, a comic book, albeit with adult content.

Personally, I think this kind of mentality is just plain LAZINESS on the parent part. Lazy because they refuse to take personal responsibility over their children exposure to the daily grind of life. Lazy because they take the easy route, by conveniently pointing fingers and accusing others in corrupting their little darlings and, lazy because they expect the respective authorities to put right their kid when it should be THEY, as the child’s parent, fulfilling that role!

For this parent, I want you to repeat after me, ‘Fuck is the intercourse between daddy and mummy to have you (our little child) with us’. Now that is not too difficult to relate, is it? Take this opportunity to expose him to the realities of life.

The child will appreciate that his parents are open to relate something as intimate and, TRUST him enough to share this information. And YOU should be the one, telling him the meaning of this word and the appropriate use of the word. Ultimately, you want him to be able to find a buddy in you, to freely share his thoughts and aspirations. Now, is that not what parents are to be for the kid?

Let’s face it, sooner or later they will learn it from their friends. Would you rather they learn the word – fuck, from you or from their peers? You decide.

* With respect to the contributor, it is of no interest of SmackDad to reveal the source of this national newspaper article.

Rule of the Day: To know the good, he must first know the bad. You can’t shield your kid forever. So let Dad talk to you about promiscuous sex, about condoms and pornography…

Next post: Law say cannot spank? We show you how to spank and not get caught (part 2) – if SmackDad is not being roused by another incredibly child-like adult parent.

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Tip 4: Spanking Without Being Caught (part 1)

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Tip 4
Rubber band. Use the rubber band to flick your little brat. It’s clean and the red flick marks, or non at all, do not stay. Tadah!

My preference is to stretch it with the index or forefinger and let it go. The advantage, it can be implemented over a distance without being near them critters. And they’ll never know where you’re coming from.

When it hits them, make eye contact, to let them know it is courtesy from you. It’ll sting and they’ll cry, but they’ll remember. The cool factor, the next time when you walk with the stretched rubber band, and they see it, they’ll scurry away to finish off what they are supposed to do – without you having to expense more breathe!

Use this sparingly. Like all physical assaults, too much of it will make them harden to the effect. You don’t want that. And please, aim ONLY at the fleshy calf for maximum impact and, safety reasons. The purpose is to strike fear, NOT disable, dismember or disfigure.

Rule of the Day: ALWAYS, ALWAYS explain your punishment and balance it with LOTS of encouraging love.

Next post: Law say cannot spank? We show you how to spank and not get caught (part 2).

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