Tip 10: The Good 1—2 (part 1 of 2)

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Tip 10
This certainly goes against the grain on ‘sensible’ parenting, and in some country, tantamount to abuse!!!

I strongly advocate that a little spanking is required if you want to bring up sane kids and importantly, to keep your own sanity. From time to time, a strong message has to be sent to the kid – he has past his limit and, who’s in charge.

For the Good 1—2 slap, use ONLY four fingers, with the thumbs bend in and resting on the palm. Like you use the hand to show the number four. For maximum effect, always go for the chubby cheeks, then give the Good 1—2, much like a boxer giving a left punch and followed instantly with a right hook.

The point of contact should ONLY be the fleshy tip of the fingers to the cheeks. That is why the bent thumbs are absolutely essential. This is to confine the slap in a small area and also to avoid the explosive, all five fingers, free-for-all kind of slap!

Instinctively, the kid will use both hands to cover the cheek area. Which is not a bad thing. Then you need only to slap his hands that are protecting his cheek. Smack–Smack!

The first slap is to get the message across and the second is to imprint the message – permanently. Then STOP. Go no further. Sometimes, it is tempting to go more, DON’T. The aim here is to affect a scare with a lasting memory NOT maimed.

After which, ALWAYS EXPLAIN the punishment and importantly, the kid MUST acknowledge he knows the reason for receiving the Good 1—2. This is to establish that an understanding is reached. If the same happens again, Daddy is more than happy to exercise the Good 1—2…

Rule of the Day: I’d rather rotan (cane) the kid myself than have the State rotaning him when he grows up!

Next post: The Good 1—2 (Part 2).

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Tip 9: Spanking Without Being Caught (part 3)

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Tip 9
This is especially useful, if the kid refuses to be held when crossing the road or walking in the public car park. Instead of going berserk and screaming at him about holding hands and being safe while walking on the road (as if he cares), just hold his hand and give him – the bone grip.

Hold his hand like normal and if he tries to wriggle his way out, grip tighter till you feel the bone. For the kick of it, move gently your thumb and forefinger back and forth while holding his hand. You’d be surprise how little strength is needed to get your message to him.

Then nicely remind him – you mean it. When walking along or crossing the road, HOLD HANDS or this bone gripper is gonna come. After a few gentle treatment, you can be sure when he comes to a road or crossing, he’ll stop, wait for you to hold his hand, and cross the road together. Tadah!

When the kid is excited, at times, it is near impossible to always prepare to hold his hand. A quick way to execute this reminder is to hold the lower arm tight instead, and apply – the bone grip. I will only recommend the back and forth movement only if you need to enforce the message, or you enjoy watching the little one squirm from the pain. Then again, some kids love challenges, so why not…

The beauty of this, it can be done in calm and quietness. The cool factor, the public only sees you as another responsible parent ‘holding’ the kid's hand while crossing the road. I'll give another two 'Tadahs' to dat! Remember, when applying this technique, the purpose is to stun NOT break bones.

Rule of the Day: A parent’s nightmare, ‘Where were you when I needed you to guide me’.

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Reflections 3: Kids Hitting Parents

Have been observing the modern and I may add, brainless parents. These are parents that allow their kids, out of tantrums mind you, to hit, punch and slap them and, like magnanimous monomaniacs, say 'It is okay, they’re only kids what' or 'My kid is born hyper…' – with a smile.

Yah, let it continue. When they start hitting you when they are 13 years onwards or when you’re old and frail and they continue to hit you, remember the reasoning you convinced yourself ‘They are only kids what’.

YOU allowed it. Habit, not arrested leads to consent. When you realized it is time to stop, and physically comparing yourself to your grown kid, it will be too late.

For whatever reason, children DO NOT hit parent and that applies even to a two year old toddler! The kid got to know his place. It is okay to express anger, and I always encourage that, it does not however permit the anger to transform to physically hitting out or shouting at their parent.

If the kid hits me, after a warning or getting their parents’ consent, I’ll hit back, I mean they’ve been warned right? You punch, I’ll punch. You kick, I’ll kick. You bite, I’ll bite – haven’t tried that though. Word of caution, please DO NOT apply adult strength here. Once, my kid challenged me to push her. So I did. And she 'flew' three feet Superman (or girl) style before landing! That is another story altogether.

The whole exercise is just to let them know, if they choose to hurt others, this is how it feels on the receiving end! When this is applied, you can be quite sure they’ll think twice about laying another whack at SmackDad.

Then again, if they are being playful and your kid goes overboard ‘hitting’ you, do you hit them back? Admittedly, I didn’t get it initially till one day, my little one with teary eyes told me ‘Daddy, I am just playing only.’ Then daddy realised – oh shit.

Hey, daddy got to learn too – when to pull back, relax and laugh with the kids!

Incidentally, parents if you are in a frequent shouting match, or can’t stop wringing each other’s neck and physically hitting out at each other – STOP. Don’t blame the kid for being verbally and physically abusive. We are their best, and likely, only model they will emulate into their parenthood. Think about that.

And for the record, my little one is doing fine and she sustained a slight abrasion on her right knee only.

Rue of the Day: Kids will be kids; they’ll grow up okay. And so do wild grasses!

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Tip 8: The Beauty of 'NO'

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Tip 8
Kids who treat you ‘invisible’ regardless of umpteen times telling them to finish their homework, clear their rooms, eat their meals, and the list goes on… Instead of screaming your lungs out and, for some, expanse unnecessary energy chasing them with the cane, feather duster (hangers and belts not recommended), simply stay put and use the ‘NO’.

DEPRIVE them. Do not want to do your homework, ‘NO Shrek movie’. Take your time to finish your meal, ‘NO computer games tonight’. Not packing your room ‘NO Winx Club this weekend’. You’d be surprise how little an effort is needed to make darn little critters do their bit!

The trick is of course, before the deprivation kicks in, you got to know what makes them tick. And to make them work, MEAN WHAT YOU SAY. If you have given them the ultimatum, NEVER back track.

We’ve got an incident where our little one did not keep her part of the bargain. We passed her her favourite SPD (Power Rangers Space Petrol Delta) vcd, that she clamoured for weeks, and she got to dumb it into the rubbish chute – herself. It was painful to see her crying and not wanting to let go her favourite vcd (and we paid $6 for that vcd!?!), but we both knew that the value she’ll learn from this experience, of honouring ones word, is more than what we had paid for!

From here on, they will know, you mean business and it has been easy to get things move along with just this ‘No’ technique. On hindsight, SmackDad wished he had just given his little one the cover to throw, and kept the actual vcd. Shucks.

Rule of the Day: Children should be seen and NOT heard in public.

Next post: Law say cannot spank? We show you how to spank and not get caught (Part 3).

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Reflections 2: Mummy Don't Get It!

For the man who is becoming a first time daddy, take heed, things are gonna change. And I don’t mean just changing the diapers and smelling those ‘kayas’!

If you are those who see your darling wife giving you the undivided attention and presume it will continue so, I got this to say to you, be prepared.

When that bundle of joy arrives – it used to be you both sing ‘Everything I do, I do it for you’. Now, mummy will still sing ‘Everything I do, I do it for…’ THE KID. Where’s daddy?!?

Have chicken rice, the drumb stick meat goes to – the kid. Have roti prata, the egg prata goes to – the kid. Morning breakfast, mummy will fry the egg, goes to – the kid!?! Where’s daddy?

I used to rile over the fact maybe it is all this maternal instinct thingy about women. Then you kinda realize it slips more and more into a behavioral pattern, to the point where mummy is being inconsiderate to your feelings because of THE KID. This is not maternal instinct any more. It is plain taking each other for granted!

Am I missing something? When this happens, can I have enlightened mummies please fill the blanks?

Mummy let’s get real. When you are old and slow, (and we still find you beautiful) who’s gonna be there next to you? Your son, your daughter, or the one who made that wedding vow with you eons ago?

Then sons and daughters for what? Not that I have little faith in them. The truth is they have their own lives. They aren’t gonna be there for you when we reach that stage of our lives.

So mummy, what you gonna do after you spent all your hopes, dreams and attention on them, (and neglecting daddy!) and they set up their nest and maybe, just maybe, they will come back once a month to say ‘hi’. And you go ga-ga over them and their little kids. Then what? Who’s gonna be next to you when darn kids are not around. It’s daddy! duh.

Maybe mummies DO feel fulfillment having sacrificed for their kids (and husband in tow) and giving them all the attention and care… again, ladies, enlightenment please.

In good spirit for Fathers’ Day month, mummies spare a thought for us will ya! Daddy have feelings too!

Conversely, I know of daddies who take on the maternal role and the kid means EVERYTHING. Hey, mummies have feelings too. And you wouldn’t want to mess with that!

For the record, this was vet thoroughly by SmackMum before posting. I love her.

Rue of the Day: We exist therefore they (the kids) exist. Get it?

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Reflections 1: Condom Pains

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Reflections 1
That’s it! Another parent from Planet Blurr. One cannot tahan (tolerate) explicit material in a children’s section of a library – see Tip 5, May 2007 – and now this one fuming over a condom ad?!?The one in the MRT (click image for larger view), not only shows the strength of the condom, it is tastefully done. Whatz up?!?
Thankfully before I go into verbal diarrhoea mode, there are sensible people abound and one, from a 15 year-old kid! There is hope for the future ;-)
Once a boy reached puberty and he knows he has the means to create life, I’ll say, buy the kid his condom. Tell him to use it responsibly. It is fatal to assume (or denial for some), that our kid won’t experiment and lead to unwanted consequences, despite carefully explaining, and telling them to think and act responsibly.

If you have done that, give yourself a pat, frankly you’ve done all you can as a parent. Now the question is, if the inevitable happens to your kid, and she’s pregnant, when she’s not ready, what u gonna do?

Man, it is the hormones lah! Boyz will be boyz! Today, even gals too, I can safely add. And you can’t change that. So son, know your condom and wear them will ya if you cannot tahan (lose control)!

A close chum of mine, who has since migrated to Sydney, once said this, and how apt. I am glad to include this in the Rue of the Day. I've got a daughter and he has two. sigh.

Rue of the Day: When you have a son, you only got one cock to worry. When you have a daughter, you have a hundred cocks to worry!

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Tip 7: Puking Kids

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Tip 7
This happens most during meal time or when they want to get attention in protest mode. Don’t like vegetables, they’ll choke themselves full of it in their tiny mouths, and then cough and out it comes. Want to protest by getting attention, they’ll cough till they turn all ruddy then choke, and out it comes.

By all means, encourage them to puke. Then nicely bring something comfortable, like a big pillow, and have them puke all on it. Next, gently hold down their head and GENTLY rub their face on their own puke. After that calmly tell them to go wash up themselves.

You can be assured, they’ll never try this puke stunt again. It is never too early to let them know the edict ‘Do not do unto others, what you do not want others, to do unto you’.

What about the pillow? For the better good, this is a small sacrifice. Throw it away.

A word of caution, this do not apply to kid having fever and puking.

Rule of the Day: A child who knows no shame, knows no respect.

Next post: The beauty of 'NO' and how to use it effectively.

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